Stranger.....

Life seems to go the way I like. I am getting everything I want till I met u. there was something pulling me towards you. What is it? Is that your looks, charm or it’s just that I feel comfortable talking to you.

It was late in the night. I had to catch a bus. You offered me a ride. That was the first time I came out with you. I didn’t know the city either, but just trusted you and came along. You were driving in a high speed. I had no balance. I was holding your bag tight, which was between us. I couldn’t tell you, that I am afraid. I asked you lots of questions to bridge the silence between us. I still don’t know how many you answered. I couldn’t hear it in the noisy traffic around.

We stopped at mall, which is famous in the city. You were walking casually in escalators. I didn’t know the directions. I just followed you like an obedient student. You ordered food for us. Just then I realized I didn’t have enough money, I couldn’t ask you to pay for me in the first outing. You paid for it. I pretended to give you. You said its ok. Then I started telling you all my stories. You were just nodding. I was surprised how someone can be so silent. You said, “that you like to listen than to talk”.

Still there was lots of time left. We went around the city.

We reached my destination, the bus stand. It was so crowded. I lost the direction. My luck never favors me. it didn’t leave me that day too. We had to wait for the bus, as it was delayed. We spent few more hours together there.

You asked me to sit in a place and you went searching for my bus. I felt bad, making you roam like this in the middle of the night. But I had no choice. Finally was happy seeing the bus. I sat inside. I thought you would be there till the bus starts. But you left me and went back. I spent all journey thinking about you and first encounter.

Terrible experience...

At 7.30 in the morning I got up exhausted. I was brushing my teeth; saw a blurred image as reflection. Feeling giddy, I sat down. My mother-in-law gave me a glass of juice. After drinking that, I felt a lot better. Clock ticked 8. I was getting late. I hurried to the bathroom. My bad luck, I was constipating. I didn’t know that constipation is dangerous during pregnancy. All of a sudden I was shocked to notice that I was bleeding. I shouted for help. I opened the door and sat on the bathroom floor speechless. Seeing what had happed, my mother-in-law dropped the utensils in her hand, and started crying. Seeing her cry, I got more terrified.

She took me to the nearby clinic. Dr.Shanta kumari is a retired gynecologist from KGH. We stood there near her door steps, waiting for her to open the door. She called me inside. She asked me what the problem is?. I gave her my reports. She was looking at it. I said,” I am bleeding”. She gave me a puzzled look. I said, “may be because I was constipating”. She asked me if I had piles. I didn’t know. She wanted to check my blood pressure. She was trying to hold my hand; I fell unconscious on the examination table. She got me sugar water to drink. I was feeling little better after that. I was waiting for her to say something. Then she said that blood pressure is low. She asked me to lie down on the examination bed. I was feeling scared looking her wear the gloves. I didn’t know what kind of test she was going to perform. Quickly she inserted a finger and removed it. She said,” I don’t like to examine this way, as it would disturb the baby”. The gloves were stained in blood. She finally said, she can’t tell anything till a scan is taken. She asked me to visit the hospital in the city. She asked me not move much and she said if I bleed more, then I have to take few tablets to recover from abortion. The word hurt me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t as my mother-in-law was already crying. (need to emotionally support her na).

I came back home. I wanted to call my husband and cry. But my mother-in-law asked me not to inform anybody. it was ridiculous. i was powerless to switch my thoughts to something else. I badly needed a company. I longed to talk to someone. I felt abandoned after a long time. Meanwhile my neighbors’ gathered looking at my mother-in-law cry. I felt like a patient sitting on bed, others coming to see me. One of the neighbors’ suggested me to take a call taxi and go to the city hospital. I ate curd rice, took folic acid tablet. (as it helps the growth of the baby).

After sometime the cab driver came. I asked my neighbors to accompany me. Meanwhile my mother in-law packed a bag with two set of cloths, bed sheet, my brush, paste etc .looking at the bag I got petrified. It was kind of confirmation that I am going to get admitted in hospital for an abortion.

We sat in car. And we asked the driver to take us slowly. We reached the hospital. I had to climb three stairs. Due to tension I couldn’t walk. My legs were trembling. I Was lucky to see the doctor immediately as I went in as emergency case. Doctor asked me why was I here so soon, as I visited her only last week. In a fable voice I said, I was bleeding. She asked me to recline down on examination bed. She took various scary equipments for the test. She put a screen across my hip. I couldn’t see what she was doing. But realized vaginal tests are really painful. After the examination she gave me a sympathetic look. She asked me to get a scan done immediately. I went to the scan room. I was in a hurry to know the results. But they were not allowing me until I filled al the forms and drank water till my bladder was full. It was difficult to even walk after the examination.

In the scan room: I went inside. The doctor gave me a suspicious look. He wanted to confirm if was married or not. I was praying god for first time. Doctor looked at the monitor and my face. I was trying to interpret what would be the results . but he gave a neutral expression. Then seeing me getting worried, he switched on the speaker. He asked me if I am able to hear anything. I didn’t understand anything. He asked me loudly, if I am able to hear anything. I just nodded my head. He said, that is ur baby’s heart beat. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like a mother for first time. I could feel my heart beating faster. I wanted to smile, cry, hug someone.

I went to the doctor with reports. Doctor said," thank God, baby is safe".Doctor advised me not to jump or dance ;). She asked me to be careful henceforth and eat properly. She advised me to take bed rest for next few days. So I was feeling bored. Hence wrote this terrible experience. ;).

Still I wonder what happened? Why it happened. End of all that, I feel bonded to my child. Every time, I feel my stomach(which is being prominently seen now a days ;)), there is special feeling which I never felt in my life earlier.

Do things always go wrong with me? Or do I always choose the wrong things?

“Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. “

I have never felt this way. Why I am going restless? Just because,” you didn’t call me? “.Or is it because “your attention is on someone else?”

I only know that I have gone crazy. It’s not the one night stand I want in my life. But it’s something more. Now I feel,” I can’t stand even a night without u.”

“Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........” I sent u this. Immediately, u asked me to come along with you; I had no problem with it either. U took me on your bike on the roads which looked familiar. Sky was darkening, street light were sparkling. I was feeling cold, to comfort me, u came behind. Suddenly, Gap between us reduced. There was tension building between us.

U took me to show your new room. There was no power .It was totally dark. I struggled to make my way to the door. U asked me to wait in the hall. Still the persistent coldness troubled me. I was hugging the wall and stood there, in a corner, shivering. All of a sudden I felt your hands around me. By the time I realized, u were kissing me. I couldn’t resist. I wanted to pull myself away. I couldn’t. I wanted to run away, I was caught by the warmth of your hands which comforted me. One thing led to the other thing.

By the time I realized, I was crying on your shoulder. I was hurt, it was a stabbing pain. U tried to console me saying nothing happened. I begged u, to take me back home. U took me back. I couldn’t move a step further. You came along with me, inside till the parking lot. We sat on a bench. I couldn’t stop crying. U didn’t know how to console me. U found it hard to choose the words. U took me in your arms, kissed me gently on my cheeks. U asked me to go home and sleep. I slipped on the staircase, still didn’t have courage to look back at you.

I am afraid to look back. That night, has changed our lives. Changed the way I am, and u are. U could adapt to the change so well. I am still finding it difficult to digest it.

But things never stopped there. It continued to happen. I don’t know why its repeating? May be because I couldn’t resist you, neither could you.

I couldn’t control my curiosity. I asked you,” why me?”

You blankly replied, “Because I made up my mind that I wanted you the day we met each other”

My heart flared with a hope which rapidly became pain, as I reminded myself that you were talking practically, not sentimentally, I asked you,” but what if I hadn’t … agreed?”.

you said with a smile” I knew you would agree”

I was angry that you so cleverly manipulated me, but also that you appeared to show no regret for having done that.

There is no we with me and you. It is all me. I, I was in love with you and always had been. I told I wanted and you had called me bluff-but none of it had worked out. Why,” we aren’t even lovers”?

hurt love

It hurts to love someone,
and not to be loved in return
but what is most painful is to love someone
and never finds the courage
to let the person know how you feel.

Oops, I sent a message telling what I felt. I didn’t get any reply. I was wondering if the message is delivered or not? It was a national message, got assured when my balance reduced.
Confused I tossed from side to side on bed. I know him for past twenty years, “how is he going to react? “Was the only thought in my mind.Unable to sleep in that night, I went and sat near the window. I kept watching the night sky for long time. I felt the night was unusually beautiful, the stars and the moon made me wonder. I was thinking of the times we spent together, in school, at home, the time I went spent playing cards. I was wondering from when it all started? it was hard to recollect twenty long years.I was touched by the gentle breeze. The breeze drove me crazy. I went back to the bed, closed my eyes. His thoughts became dream for me, and the dreams became sweet. That’s when I realized the importance for the word “sweet dreams”.
Next day I went to meet him. When he came near I started trembling. I took a deep breadth. I felt I need all the courage to tell what was in my little heart. I just began,” there is something I have to…” I couldn’t speak a word more, I gulped hard.I felt cold and hot at the same time. My palms were sweating.
He came closer, and all my courage evaporated.Without a word he took me in his arms, for few precious moments I didn’t feel like moving away. I wished; let the time stand still shutting out the world. He said,” some things have changed, the world will turn on, and things are bound to change”I kept starring unable to speak.He continued,” I am sorry, you are always a kid to me. I don’t have such feeling towards you. ”It was hard to come over it, but understood each word he meant.
Then I realize the fact that,” the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches”.

first office

I felt I landed up in the wrong place. They were only few around me, but I could feel their steady revulsion attacking me. I had no option, but bear with, as my grades were held with them. I started walking towards the man, who ruled the cabin. I felt an aversion towards him. Who is he to rule me? I am not that insignificant. I thought, there were few other creatures under him, suffering just like me. May be I should call them, the oldies with old fashioned ideas, trying to rule the contemporary world. I sure that the only asset they possess is their big mouth, which can roll in all directions. And the only one with whom I could discuss things was the pretty women sitting next to me. Pretty not by looks but with her attitude. I was confused! Whom to trust?.

I was always in a place surrounded by women; this followed from school to college and didn’t end in my office also. But I was never gender biased as I was always known for my capable flirting. But first time in the air, I could feel the uncomfortable air puncturing me.

The days passed by with mutual insults. But I lost the battle. He had the upper hand, of course in all aspects. I didn’t know what his intensions were, but I knew he wanted to throw me out. Soon my stupidity touched him, made him realize I am a person wanting to be cared, with lots of similar dreams as his, without any direction.

I was summoned to do part of his projects. I sat straight facing him. I did loads of mistakes, but never got fired. I tied hard to not repeat them, but I failed. Then there were even stages were I had to travel with him. That’s when first he talked to anything other than subject. We discussed about my future, his dreams, my ambition, and what not.. I realized there was lots experience in every word he uttered. I thought I got a nice brother who can guide me and he was bold enough to accept it.

proposal

It was a very tiresome day. I was too exhausted to work any more. Bell rang giving me a new venture to explore and get out of the work. I ran to open the door and see who it was. As I expected a key to my hearts lock, one of my close friends.

As the weather outside was calm and cool, he offered me a ride. We parked the vehicle near the big wall. The big wall before me seemed like a end, as my hectic daily life. He took me high on the bridge, from where I could see the wonderful sea as beautiful as life. We decided to walk towards it. It was dark by then; we were walking along the seashore as cold waves washed my feet. I froze when the chillness struck me; I held his hands tight close to my heart. When I realized what I was doing, I glanced at him…


I stumbled in my heart receiving such a look from him. It made me wonder, so many thoughts. I stood there still. Unable to speak. He started walking fast, I couldn’t keep in pace with him, he was suddenly running away from me. I felt the sky was heavy above me. The sea is un-seemingly vast calling me to join it and promising to make me one among the stars. I sat blank, tears rolled down my cheeks. Just felt, all my dreams have shattered. His thoughts made me recluse, who knows when the love will strike.

In the moonlight, I saw a shadow in front of me, turned back to see who it was. A bunch of roses were in front of me, he was on his knees to propose me.. there was no time to talk, its was silence all round. All of a sudden , I felt his warmness running through my heart when my cold lips was on his.

premi

sab apne premi ko chaand samjte hai,
lekin tu tho asmaan hai,
na koi disha dikate ho,
mego jaise apne roop badalte ho,

bina kuch kahe apna dil diya,
use vapas lene bi samne nahi aya,
kitne din tum satavoge yese,
apna banake door le chal is sansaar se...

mere pyar ,mere parchayi!...

subh chal padi is pyar ke rah me,
pyar mere peecha kiya parchayi ke roop me,
bahut kush hui me ye maanke,
peecha kar raha hai mera pyar,

aschary se deki mene,
gat thi ja rahi thi ,ye parchyi,
jab suraj tha mere upar,
dek nahi payi me us parchayi ko,

maan ne lagi juti hai ye pyar,
katinayi ke vakt chood degi ye haat,
lagi vahi ruk gaye ye jeevan,
muje nahi jana aagey kahi,

jab vakt beetha to pata chala,
mere peecha karne vali parchayi thi aagey,
muje disha dika rahi ti aagey,
muje apne lakshya thak pahuncha yi,

tab hi pata chala ,us vakth me,
parchayi cha gayi muj me,
hum ek bankar duniya ki shakti,
suraj se lade aur jeetey,

jeet kar jeet li ye parchayi mujko,
apna bana ke le gayi sath,
ye pyar parchayi hai,kabhi agey pichey,
leykin kabhi is duniya se mit thi nahi!....