Bikini as a gift.

It was a beautiful morning. I was lying on beach, hugging the warmth of the sand against the cold wind. He came to me with a glass of wine in his hand.

Me: is it for me darling?

Him: no dear…

Me: (looking perplexed at him)what?

Him: go and pick your own glass..

Me: you are so unromantic..

Him: yes, that is why I am here for my second honeymoon..

Me: right?

Him: (laughs aloud)yes ms.right.

I got angry, went to my room. I found a gift on my bed. It was a surprise gift by my husband. Just couldn’t control my excitement. My hands were trembling when I tried to open the cover. I dropped the gift down in the process. Was almost in tears thinking, that it’s a breakable thing. Thank god it was not. It was bikini. That too red colour.

I could hear the footsteps of him coming closer and closer. I turned back to see him.

Him: I know you would like it.

Me: yes, it’s beautiful

Him: I am eager to see you in it..

Me: now?

Him: yes, let go for a swim in the sea..

Me: (still looking at him shocked)ok..

He undressed me. I wore the bikini. We walk down till the waves hand in hand. The water touched me. I froze in the coldness. He hugged me hard.

Him: you look great in this..

Me (smile at him, and gave a shy look): really?.

Just then, I heard my baby scream. oh my god. It was all a dream. I laughed at myself for the stupid dream I had. Me wearing bikini with all the stretch marks?.. Stupid me. I was discussing about bay watch to my friend and had a weird dream..

See here for the dream 1 story.

how we met

i got inspired by pepper's post on "So where did you guys meet?" post. so here i am posting my story .

Part-1
My mom forced me to see B’s photo when I was half asleep. I didn’t even realize that I was saying yes to see him. We met each other. ( oct 2^nd, 2009). I was all dressed up. Ready for the show. My parents asked me to see him, I was really hesitant. When I saw, he too seemed to be all tensed, sweating. They left us alone to talk to each other. I started asking him stupid questions, and he seemed to have nothing to ask. I thought it was all over. But next day I realized that was not the end, but the beginning.

I sat crying in confusion. What is that happening to me? My parents had given me only a day to think and give my answer. But what do I decide? I had no clue about him. I was generally afraid of marriage. he became a nightmare to me.

I asked my parents to give him my phone number. (25^th oct). Then he called me. But it was a very formal talk. he didn’t seem to be interested in talking at all. I realized he is not of my type. Didn’t know what to react?. My mom asked me how I judge people. I didnt have proper answer. Then I realized, that she was asking me to take time to understand.
We started talking. he looked all patient and sensitive. Of course a good listener, without which, my survival would have been difficult. Everyday there was something new to talk and discuss. Every day I realized how different we are from each other.
Within a week they arranged for our engagement. I was in Bangalore. I didn’t know what was happening. Neither did I see my engagement sari nor the ring.. It was almost like I am attending someone else engagement.;)

photos which we sent each other.

Part 2

Engagement was planned on 8^th of nov 2009. It was a Sunday. So I didn’t even had to apply for leave. I managed to get a mehandi design, from Garuda mall platform stall. I got in to bus at 9.30 pm, hoping that I will have a known person as neighbor, as I am traveling with both the hands applied with mehandi. Even if the bus conductor asks me the ticket, I needed somebody’s help. Luckily I got my school junior next to my seat. I had told few of my friends in office about my engagement. People called it a bluff, as I had already told them this many a times. At least the girl next to me, Ms.T believed it. I kept on getting call from him, all night, but I couldn’t pick it up. Thought he might take revenge on this.

 Finally I reached k town. Dad was waiting there with all smiles on his face. By the time I reached home, most of my relatives were already there. They were teasing if I would land only for muhurtham during wedding. All these oldies, jealous of me being thin, kept worrying how I am going to manage and all non-sense..

Day had passed with everybody trying to talk to me and tease me. But I was eagerly waiting for his call. It was raining badly that day. I kept on messaging him that day. Hoping to get a reply, even told him that,” I like him” for very first time. In spite of all the efforts I didn’t get reply from. Felt so bad. I cried all night, thinking what kind of person I am going to marry.

Finally the day arrived. Everybody was worried because of rain. Didn’t know how the engagement was going to happen?. Finally i arrived at the venue. With all excitement i was running on the stairs. The video-grapher was requesting me to walk slow and asked me to pretend to be shy.. i went inside the room, which was allotted to me. I sat there on the bed. All of a sudden he came inside. I was shocked. Didn’t know how or what to react. he was completely cool about it. I was wondering is this the face i saw on oct 2^nd? Or i am getting engaged to someone else?. Pity on me and bad memory.. ;P

His friends were trying to tease him.. Then we had the engagement ceremony. We exchanged our rings. I was hesitant to hold his hands, but he took it as a chance to hold me. Photographer was behind our lives for different poses and he took the maximum advantage of it, as he could hold me the way he wanted and never get slapped.. ;).

Part 3

Like any other wedding, ours too had so many intricacy and problems.. it was really difficult to overcome.. I don’t even want to think of those bad things now..

Reception had started little late, R ( B’s younger brother ) met with an accident and had fractured his hand. The evening went quite eventful. We received many gift, met each other’s friends.. His friends ( i.e G) tried to flirt with my friends.. ;). It went on with all teasing and comments. I was exhausted by end of the day. We didn’t even have time to eat proper food. I would kill that stupid photographer for not allowing me eat. He made me give stupid poses, which never came in album also. ;(...

Wedding: actually, nobody allowed me to sleep that night. They were talking about their wedding story. In fact, they even tried to arrange a education class for me that night.. ;).. How funny.. but yup, they got disappointed, as I didn’t give them a chance to explain anything( though was scared to hell about everything).

They woke us around 4.00 am. We had the Nalugu ceremony, followed by Pradanam and then the wedding. I was waiting for the moment. I could constantly feel him staring at me. It was making me feel little uncomfortable. He was officially sighting me.

 we were asked to smear a paste made from cumin seeds and jaggery on each other's hands. This custom is referred to as Jeelakarra-Bellamu. This ceremony is observed to communicate that the relationship of the married couple is unbreakable and inseparable. Then I assumed there were more mantra’s to be read. By the time i realised, he tied Mangalasutram around me. My god, i felt that it was a crash course wedding. Without my knowledge I had bend my head during it.. ;P..We went seven rounds around the Agni. And he put Metti to my toe. It is supposed to remove the evil eyes. But the scientific reason is something else.. ;P

it was too tiring i must say. We had to wait for a long time to get back home. Little horrible. .the weight of the flower mala pulls you down. Though you are the centre of attraction, but nobody cares for you. No food, no water and you have to smile all the time.

Finally it was G, who gave us little entertainment. Though I cant reveal what it is.. ;). Then luckily we were sent home. Day still didnt end there.. Still so many formalities were left to follow.  Finally I could take breath only in Wyanad, where I had fun time...

Part 4

A little sad phase.. Life after wedding didn’t seem much great for me. We lived apart from each other. All the weekdays would go longing to see each other. Weekends went travelling for me. We still managed to be a couple. We planned a outing every month, when I stayed in Bangalore. It was so nice, no commitments, and only roaming around and trying to understand each other.

But life turned upside down, when I came to vizag. I have to take up so many responsibilities. I got a very little emotional support from him. I was going mad and crazy at peoples comment on me. Here people won’t respect you if you are staying alone. Thought had come to B2 city from a metro life. Life seems to be only running behind material things. All the fun which was there earlier has gone. No more talking romantically, it’s no more holding hands and walking. Now it all seems to be buying a property, saving and all in-law dramas.. At times I wonder, is it all life about?

Feel sad that, there is no more that anu, who wants to achieve something, to Tell the world that I exist. The dream ashreya has confined itself just to a blog. Is this what happens to every married girl. Just family becomes the world, and the dreams confine to kids and their achievements.. ;(.

Part 5

It’s been year since I got married to him. I know him for more than a year now. Wow, what an achievement. I always thought how difficult it must be to stay with a same partner without getting bored. May be that is the reason, I have a junior coming up in my life...

It’s been real fun, from the time I announced that I am pregnant. Who doesn’t like getting attention, and give a little more stress n work to hubby. I am enjoying the phase to the fullest.
In fact there are few secrets which have to be revealed. He actually makes the best chapatti in the world. He is bad at talking, flirting and convincing people. He really doesn’t know to hurt others (except me, which he does most of times).he is never around me, when I really need him. He does know to shop for himself. He can never express himself. He likes cooking and setting everything ready for perfect dinner but still he is the best. I don’t know, if I got married to anyone else, would that person love me as much B does..

I never thought I would like him. But eventually I never knew when i fell for him.. Finally there is only one thing I want to tell B.. -I love you idiot.. ;). You are not part of my life.. But u have become my life.. ;)

confession of a wife...

I know I am doing this late, but never mind. I know it takes a great deal for me to say, “I love you” to anyone. But to you it always seems to be an exception. May be I should learn to tell you,” I love you” more often than wait for this particular day. I prefer writing it down as it remains a document of evidence for you to say in future that,” you did love me once, so better don’t fight with me now”.

I know it’s going to be almost a year since we got married. And most of the times I have only shouted at you than understanding you. But remember you too did the same. Still I like the carefree attitude of yours and un-egoistic nature. That is only keeping us move together in life. I really appreciate that quality of yours. You really don’t allow the fights to go more than few hours.

I like the fact that you don’t hesitate to show your love for me ever. May be that what gives me the energy for all the day. The kiss at the start of the day and hug at the end.. And I know I am so mean that I get work done from you. I keep asking you for things without moving my ass, and you don’t hesitate to get up how many ever times I ask request. God knows, who else can be as lucky as me to get such a lovely husband.

I know how much you are struggling hard to convince me that you are going to be a perfect dad... and I always complain that you don’t care. I am sorry about it. I just feel that you are not talking much to baby like me. May be our baby is smart and it understands the silent love of yours unlike me.

I should also thank you for your patience.. That you tolerate me so much, though I interfere in all your office and personal works. I know, I should keep myself away.. May be eventually I will learn.

I think I am in all love with you from the time I knew that I am pregnant. Thanks for all the efforts you are taking to stay with me and the baby.. But for you, staying in this strange land would have been difficult for me. I know I irritate you by scolding your mom often.. I am sorry , I can’t help it. I feel all this extra love what I have might be due to release of this oxytocin. It’s a hormone which gives this special love bond. How much I wish I had this hormone always in me.. J

I feel that, whatever I felt, I already wrote in the blog which I wrote for your b’day. So, here I am struggling to write. Anyways, it feels nice to write a love letter, even after becoming your wife and making a promise to live with you all my life. It was so nice to read your long love letter last year.. so, I thought of giving you the pleasure of reading this love letter..

Love you dear

-Ashreya’s mom.

Do things always go wrong with me? Or do I always choose the wrong things?

“Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. “

I have never felt this way. Why I am going restless? Just because,” you didn’t call me? “.Or is it because “your attention is on someone else?”

I only know that I have gone crazy. It’s not the one night stand I want in my life. But it’s something more. Now I feel,” I can’t stand even a night without u.”

“Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........” I sent u this. Immediately, u asked me to come along with you; I had no problem with it either. U took me on your bike on the roads which looked familiar. Sky was darkening, street light were sparkling. I was feeling cold, to comfort me, u came behind. Suddenly, Gap between us reduced. There was tension building between us.

U took me to show your new room. There was no power .It was totally dark. I struggled to make my way to the door. U asked me to wait in the hall. Still the persistent coldness troubled me. I was hugging the wall and stood there, in a corner, shivering. All of a sudden I felt your hands around me. By the time I realized, u were kissing me. I couldn’t resist. I wanted to pull myself away. I couldn’t. I wanted to run away, I was caught by the warmth of your hands which comforted me. One thing led to the other thing.

By the time I realized, I was crying on your shoulder. I was hurt, it was a stabbing pain. U tried to console me saying nothing happened. I begged u, to take me back home. U took me back. I couldn’t move a step further. You came along with me, inside till the parking lot. We sat on a bench. I couldn’t stop crying. U didn’t know how to console me. U found it hard to choose the words. U took me in your arms, kissed me gently on my cheeks. U asked me to go home and sleep. I slipped on the staircase, still didn’t have courage to look back at you.

I am afraid to look back. That night, has changed our lives. Changed the way I am, and u are. U could adapt to the change so well. I am still finding it difficult to digest it.

But things never stopped there. It continued to happen. I don’t know why its repeating? May be because I couldn’t resist you, neither could you.

I couldn’t control my curiosity. I asked you,” why me?”

You blankly replied, “Because I made up my mind that I wanted you the day we met each other”

My heart flared with a hope which rapidly became pain, as I reminded myself that you were talking practically, not sentimentally, I asked you,” but what if I hadn’t … agreed?”.

you said with a smile” I knew you would agree”

I was angry that you so cleverly manipulated me, but also that you appeared to show no regret for having done that.

There is no we with me and you. It is all me. I, I was in love with you and always had been. I told I wanted and you had called me bluff-but none of it had worked out. Why,” we aren’t even lovers”?

hurt love

It hurts to love someone,
and not to be loved in return
but what is most painful is to love someone
and never finds the courage
to let the person know how you feel.

Oops, I sent a message telling what I felt. I didn’t get any reply. I was wondering if the message is delivered or not? It was a national message, got assured when my balance reduced.
Confused I tossed from side to side on bed. I know him for past twenty years, “how is he going to react? “Was the only thought in my mind.Unable to sleep in that night, I went and sat near the window. I kept watching the night sky for long time. I felt the night was unusually beautiful, the stars and the moon made me wonder. I was thinking of the times we spent together, in school, at home, the time I went spent playing cards. I was wondering from when it all started? it was hard to recollect twenty long years.I was touched by the gentle breeze. The breeze drove me crazy. I went back to the bed, closed my eyes. His thoughts became dream for me, and the dreams became sweet. That’s when I realized the importance for the word “sweet dreams”.
Next day I went to meet him. When he came near I started trembling. I took a deep breadth. I felt I need all the courage to tell what was in my little heart. I just began,” there is something I have to…” I couldn’t speak a word more, I gulped hard.I felt cold and hot at the same time. My palms were sweating.
He came closer, and all my courage evaporated.Without a word he took me in his arms, for few precious moments I didn’t feel like moving away. I wished; let the time stand still shutting out the world. He said,” some things have changed, the world will turn on, and things are bound to change”I kept starring unable to speak.He continued,” I am sorry, you are always a kid to me. I don’t have such feeling towards you. ”It was hard to come over it, but understood each word he meant.
Then I realize the fact that,” the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches”.

proposal

It was a very tiresome day. I was too exhausted to work any more. Bell rang giving me a new venture to explore and get out of the work. I ran to open the door and see who it was. As I expected a key to my hearts lock, one of my close friends.

As the weather outside was calm and cool, he offered me a ride. We parked the vehicle near the big wall. The big wall before me seemed like a end, as my hectic daily life. He took me high on the bridge, from where I could see the wonderful sea as beautiful as life. We decided to walk towards it. It was dark by then; we were walking along the seashore as cold waves washed my feet. I froze when the chillness struck me; I held his hands tight close to my heart. When I realized what I was doing, I glanced at him…


I stumbled in my heart receiving such a look from him. It made me wonder, so many thoughts. I stood there still. Unable to speak. He started walking fast, I couldn’t keep in pace with him, he was suddenly running away from me. I felt the sky was heavy above me. The sea is un-seemingly vast calling me to join it and promising to make me one among the stars. I sat blank, tears rolled down my cheeks. Just felt, all my dreams have shattered. His thoughts made me recluse, who knows when the love will strike.

In the moonlight, I saw a shadow in front of me, turned back to see who it was. A bunch of roses were in front of me, he was on his knees to propose me.. there was no time to talk, its was silence all round. All of a sudden , I felt his warmness running through my heart when my cold lips was on his.

mere pyar ,mere parchayi!...

subh chal padi is pyar ke rah me,
pyar mere peecha kiya parchayi ke roop me,
bahut kush hui me ye maanke,
peecha kar raha hai mera pyar,

aschary se deki mene,
gat thi ja rahi thi ,ye parchyi,
jab suraj tha mere upar,
dek nahi payi me us parchayi ko,

maan ne lagi juti hai ye pyar,
katinayi ke vakt chood degi ye haat,
lagi vahi ruk gaye ye jeevan,
muje nahi jana aagey kahi,

jab vakt beetha to pata chala,
mere peecha karne vali parchayi thi aagey,
muje disha dika rahi ti aagey,
muje apne lakshya thak pahuncha yi,

tab hi pata chala ,us vakth me,
parchayi cha gayi muj me,
hum ek bankar duniya ki shakti,
suraj se lade aur jeetey,

jeet kar jeet li ye parchayi mujko,
apna bana ke le gayi sath,
ye pyar parchayi hai,kabhi agey pichey,
leykin kabhi is duniya se mit thi nahi!....