Stranger.....

Life seems to go the way I like. I am getting everything I want till I met u. there was something pulling me towards you. What is it? Is that your looks, charm or it’s just that I feel comfortable talking to you.

It was late in the night. I had to catch a bus. You offered me a ride. That was the first time I came out with you. I didn’t know the city either, but just trusted you and came along. You were driving in a high speed. I had no balance. I was holding your bag tight, which was between us. I couldn’t tell you, that I am afraid. I asked you lots of questions to bridge the silence between us. I still don’t know how many you answered. I couldn’t hear it in the noisy traffic around.

We stopped at mall, which is famous in the city. You were walking casually in escalators. I didn’t know the directions. I just followed you like an obedient student. You ordered food for us. Just then I realized I didn’t have enough money, I couldn’t ask you to pay for me in the first outing. You paid for it. I pretended to give you. You said its ok. Then I started telling you all my stories. You were just nodding. I was surprised how someone can be so silent. You said, “that you like to listen than to talk”.

Still there was lots of time left. We went around the city.

We reached my destination, the bus stand. It was so crowded. I lost the direction. My luck never favors me. it didn’t leave me that day too. We had to wait for the bus, as it was delayed. We spent few more hours together there.

You asked me to sit in a place and you went searching for my bus. I felt bad, making you roam like this in the middle of the night. But I had no choice. Finally was happy seeing the bus. I sat inside. I thought you would be there till the bus starts. But you left me and went back. I spent all journey thinking about you and first encounter.

Terrible experience...

At 7.30 in the morning I got up exhausted. I was brushing my teeth; saw a blurred image as reflection. Feeling giddy, I sat down. My mother-in-law gave me a glass of juice. After drinking that, I felt a lot better. Clock ticked 8. I was getting late. I hurried to the bathroom. My bad luck, I was constipating. I didn’t know that constipation is dangerous during pregnancy. All of a sudden I was shocked to notice that I was bleeding. I shouted for help. I opened the door and sat on the bathroom floor speechless. Seeing what had happed, my mother-in-law dropped the utensils in her hand, and started crying. Seeing her cry, I got more terrified.

She took me to the nearby clinic. Dr.Shanta kumari is a retired gynecologist from KGH. We stood there near her door steps, waiting for her to open the door. She called me inside. She asked me what the problem is?. I gave her my reports. She was looking at it. I said,” I am bleeding”. She gave me a puzzled look. I said, “may be because I was constipating”. She asked me if I had piles. I didn’t know. She wanted to check my blood pressure. She was trying to hold my hand; I fell unconscious on the examination table. She got me sugar water to drink. I was feeling little better after that. I was waiting for her to say something. Then she said that blood pressure is low. She asked me to lie down on the examination bed. I was feeling scared looking her wear the gloves. I didn’t know what kind of test she was going to perform. Quickly she inserted a finger and removed it. She said,” I don’t like to examine this way, as it would disturb the baby”. The gloves were stained in blood. She finally said, she can’t tell anything till a scan is taken. She asked me to visit the hospital in the city. She asked me not move much and she said if I bleed more, then I have to take few tablets to recover from abortion. The word hurt me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t as my mother-in-law was already crying. (need to emotionally support her na).

I came back home. I wanted to call my husband and cry. But my mother-in-law asked me not to inform anybody. it was ridiculous. i was powerless to switch my thoughts to something else. I badly needed a company. I longed to talk to someone. I felt abandoned after a long time. Meanwhile my neighbors’ gathered looking at my mother-in-law cry. I felt like a patient sitting on bed, others coming to see me. One of the neighbors’ suggested me to take a call taxi and go to the city hospital. I ate curd rice, took folic acid tablet. (as it helps the growth of the baby).

After sometime the cab driver came. I asked my neighbors to accompany me. Meanwhile my mother in-law packed a bag with two set of cloths, bed sheet, my brush, paste etc .looking at the bag I got petrified. It was kind of confirmation that I am going to get admitted in hospital for an abortion.

We sat in car. And we asked the driver to take us slowly. We reached the hospital. I had to climb three stairs. Due to tension I couldn’t walk. My legs were trembling. I Was lucky to see the doctor immediately as I went in as emergency case. Doctor asked me why was I here so soon, as I visited her only last week. In a fable voice I said, I was bleeding. She asked me to recline down on examination bed. She took various scary equipments for the test. She put a screen across my hip. I couldn’t see what she was doing. But realized vaginal tests are really painful. After the examination she gave me a sympathetic look. She asked me to get a scan done immediately. I went to the scan room. I was in a hurry to know the results. But they were not allowing me until I filled al the forms and drank water till my bladder was full. It was difficult to even walk after the examination.

In the scan room: I went inside. The doctor gave me a suspicious look. He wanted to confirm if was married or not. I was praying god for first time. Doctor looked at the monitor and my face. I was trying to interpret what would be the results . but he gave a neutral expression. Then seeing me getting worried, he switched on the speaker. He asked me if I am able to hear anything. I didn’t understand anything. He asked me loudly, if I am able to hear anything. I just nodded my head. He said, that is ur baby’s heart beat. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like a mother for first time. I could feel my heart beating faster. I wanted to smile, cry, hug someone.

I went to the doctor with reports. Doctor said," thank God, baby is safe".Doctor advised me not to jump or dance ;). She asked me to be careful henceforth and eat properly. She advised me to take bed rest for next few days. So I was feeling bored. Hence wrote this terrible experience. ;).

Still I wonder what happened? Why it happened. End of all that, I feel bonded to my child. Every time, I feel my stomach(which is being prominently seen now a days ;)), there is special feeling which I never felt in my life earlier.

Do things always go wrong with me? Or do I always choose the wrong things?

“Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. “

I have never felt this way. Why I am going restless? Just because,” you didn’t call me? “.Or is it because “your attention is on someone else?”

I only know that I have gone crazy. It’s not the one night stand I want in my life. But it’s something more. Now I feel,” I can’t stand even a night without u.”

“Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........” I sent u this. Immediately, u asked me to come along with you; I had no problem with it either. U took me on your bike on the roads which looked familiar. Sky was darkening, street light were sparkling. I was feeling cold, to comfort me, u came behind. Suddenly, Gap between us reduced. There was tension building between us.

U took me to show your new room. There was no power .It was totally dark. I struggled to make my way to the door. U asked me to wait in the hall. Still the persistent coldness troubled me. I was hugging the wall and stood there, in a corner, shivering. All of a sudden I felt your hands around me. By the time I realized, u were kissing me. I couldn’t resist. I wanted to pull myself away. I couldn’t. I wanted to run away, I was caught by the warmth of your hands which comforted me. One thing led to the other thing.

By the time I realized, I was crying on your shoulder. I was hurt, it was a stabbing pain. U tried to console me saying nothing happened. I begged u, to take me back home. U took me back. I couldn’t move a step further. You came along with me, inside till the parking lot. We sat on a bench. I couldn’t stop crying. U didn’t know how to console me. U found it hard to choose the words. U took me in your arms, kissed me gently on my cheeks. U asked me to go home and sleep. I slipped on the staircase, still didn’t have courage to look back at you.

I am afraid to look back. That night, has changed our lives. Changed the way I am, and u are. U could adapt to the change so well. I am still finding it difficult to digest it.

But things never stopped there. It continued to happen. I don’t know why its repeating? May be because I couldn’t resist you, neither could you.

I couldn’t control my curiosity. I asked you,” why me?”

You blankly replied, “Because I made up my mind that I wanted you the day we met each other”

My heart flared with a hope which rapidly became pain, as I reminded myself that you were talking practically, not sentimentally, I asked you,” but what if I hadn’t … agreed?”.

you said with a smile” I knew you would agree”

I was angry that you so cleverly manipulated me, but also that you appeared to show no regret for having done that.

There is no we with me and you. It is all me. I, I was in love with you and always had been. I told I wanted and you had called me bluff-but none of it had worked out. Why,” we aren’t even lovers”?